Maybe

It seems I'm as calm and as at peace as I've been in years. No decades: no nervous coughing, no habitually unnecessary clearing the throat, no annoying sniffing, no wiggling, no wringing the hands, no tapping or drumming the fingers. 

Maybe it's the nightly mixed drink I've begun to enjoy. 

Maybe it's the prospect of knowing that my major issues have come to a head - after all, they can only end one way or another - I can't see how they can continue unresolved, for better or for worse, much longer. Certainly not forever.

Maybe it's knowing I'm free to live my life as I want, on my terms, outside the box which was depressingly too small for my vision, for the first time in my life. 

Maybe my body took leave of its senses and has fundamentally changed on it's own. 

Maybe it's just I'm too stressed to feel nervous any more? 

Maybe I'm where I was always meant to be, doing what I was made to do, enjoying life for its own sake, without expectation or requirement, in harmony with bigger, unseen plans. 

Maybe all the stars have magically aligned for the first time in my belabored existence. 

Maybe I no longer care, and I'm at peace simply because of the way things are.

Maybe it's being with the love of my life, safe, secure, cuddled in her embrace every night.

Just Maybe.

Maybe it's all these things. 

Maybe it's nothing at all. 

Maybe . . .  

Truth be told, I honestly don't know. But maybe, a thousand to one shot maybe, I really don't care.

But somehow I think I do.

Regardless, maybe I'm just happy to be happy for a change.

Maybe one day I'll know.

Maybe I won't.

Maybe it doesn't matter.

Maybe.